I have returned :)
Hard luck, everyone ;)
Finally I'm feeling a bit better, thank god. I'm sorry for disappearing totally this weekend but I didn't really have the energy to fiddle about online. I needed all my strength to fiddle with Y instead ;) I'm sorry, I couldn't resist that!It was a really good, hilarious, relaxing and naughty weekend. Other than our cave-day outing (more on that shortly) I got to rest up for almost the whole time. It was basically the two of us, a bunch of videos and a bed for the whole 5 days, which was just the medicine I needed.
Thursday morning, however, I had an important task to complete before Y arrived. There was the little matter of the QVC application. The previous night I'd finished poking about with my CV and bringing forward all the aspects of my various jobs to date which involve dealing with the public, sales and so on. I also put together a bit of a gushing letter about why I would be 'perfect' for the job (yeah, right...), because of my love for the channel's output and knowing what I like to watch myself to translate that into a presenting style that others would want to watch.
Thursday morning was the big test though. I had to make the video to go with them. Oh boy..... I was scared. Silly, isn't it? Just me, a video camera and a rough idea of what I was going to say. No lions and tigers to attack me, no time bomb ticking in the corner, nothing evil or nasty and yet I was scared. It just seemed so daunting. I've never been very confident as a person. Sitting and selling my finer points to an audience of shopping telly bosses on a tape was never on my agenda until a few days earlier when Y sent me the advert.
I knew I'd feel a bit stupid. Anyone is bound to, of course. I set up my camcorder for the first time in at least 2 years and pirched it on the windowsill, the way that I used to every time J, H and I sat on my bed, fooling around for the camera. Then I pinned my rough notes to the radiator underneath and tried to do a read-through to make the words seem less daunting but the more I tried to sound convincing, the more contrived the words sounded. As I ran through it a few times and the general idea became firmly lodged in my mind I decided to scrap the guidelines and just talk. A few rehersals later, i was ready to go.
However, on the first recording a car alarm started wailing outside and put me off. Second time around, my phone went off. Third time lucky? No way. Half way through recording, the doorbell rang. I was alone in the house and had no option but to stop the tape and answer it myself. Who was at the door? was it a beautiful, sexy woman appearing to offer me sex and adventure? No. It was a git from the electricity board coming to read the meter. He apparently wanted to be on QVC, perhaps :/
One last try, and I got through my little speech. I 'sold' myself as a product. I explained the features I came with and even stressed my 30 day money-back guarantee. I even managed to smile cheesily and reel off my phone number correctly. This was, all in all, a very un-Mirandalike thing to do, but I am very glad I didn't chicken out. In a way, it doesn't even matter if I get an audition or not - I still proved something to myself, and I had a laugh along the way!
The day sped on and I was really rushed to get everything done (so my apologies for not emailing/texting/updating on Thursday - it was a hectic day!) and I had no choice but to make a trip to the post office to get my tape sent off. Now, I had an adversion to visiting the post office which is why i am so notoriously bad at sending stuff (I promise I do get there in the end though) - you see, the post office is right out of my way these days. Now I'm working in another town I don't go into my own town centre anymore and oddly there's no post office anywhere near where I work.
It was unavoidable on thursday though, so a nasty walk ensued, leading to me propping myself up against those flimsy rope barriers in the post office whilst I waited for the over-excitable automated voice to cry ecstatically "Cashier number TWO, please!". I asked the lady for next day delivery and she looked at me blankly.
"Is that because you need it there tomorrow?" she asked.
I frowned.
"Ye-e-e-e-e-es.....?"
"Or is it because the contents are worth over two hundred and fifty pounds?" she asked.
I almost sniggered. I couldn't imagine any circumstances under which that tape of my little speech could ever be worth �250. Unless someone sent it in to You've Been Framed, of course. I finally got my parcel sorted and got back to the station in time to meet Y. He was a sight for sore eyes and I grabbed him for a warm hug before we set off up the road.
He had some presents for me - a back issue of Maxim, full of some of our favourite soap girls, and a copy of Sports Illustrated, the swimsuit edition! I think it's safe to say that one of the very best things about our relationship is that we will always know what to give each other as a perfect present and we'll never be disappointed! I also had a present for him - a nude Edd the Duck puppet that I'd snagged in the charity shop on wednesday night! As soon as I saw it, I knew I had to grab it for Y. he was surprised by my masterful puppetry of Edd - but of course, I did have one years ago and like the sad, pathetic child that I was I spent many a night perfecting my Edd puppetry!
We had a big bowl full of pasta and settled back to watch the soaps, then as the evening drew on there was lovemaking on the horizon, and it was absolutely unbelievable. It helped to ease the pain I was still in. Another side effect of the injection was that sex had become unbearably painful. I'm no stranger to that, with the endometriosis and adhesions, but somehow this was even worse. Now it is far easier since I've been back on the pill, and it's time to make up for lost time. We invented a new position as well ;)
Friday was supposed to be a day of rest before our cave adventure on Saturday but we couldn't resist a quickie in the morning..... Luckily this was subsidised by a very long lay in so I recouperated before we finally got up. We had a chinese take-away - we haven't had one for ages so that was excellent and extremely tasty. We spent the afternoon watching Clerks on video, and I decided that black cats are comedy animals, all except for Salem of course.... It was lovely just to snuggle up all afternoon, especially since I was in pain for some time. We found some good comedies on for the rest of the day and laughed like maniacs :)
Saturday was cave day. I'd been looking forward to it for months since I saw a poster on my way to work. You see, the town I work in is riddled with underground caves. I'd known this for years but had never been there. However, they open them up 6 times a year, once a month through the summer. I quite fancied seeing what was hidden beneath my feet and luckily the first oen day fell on a weekend Y was here.
When we arrived we found a bunch of people milling around, some of whom were wearing hard hats. We paid for our tickets and joined a touring party. The actual tour lasted about 30 minutes which got quite hard toward the end. I wasn't so bad when we were walking around (there were several Small Childs in our group so the walking was quite slow) it was the parts where we were standing still and listening to Mr Tour Guide ramble on about how 'interesting' everything was that my knees began to give way and my limbs grew as heavy as lead weights, but I leant on Y to keep me upright :)
I did keep wanting to nudge Y and snigger about the things that were happening though. Mr Tour Guide, for example. I have to say, I found the tour extremely interesting and informative, but I found him just plain amusing. You got the feeling that caves were his life. He lived, breathed, ate and slept caves. After every single sentence, he added with a chuckle, "Ahh, there's actually a rather interesting story about that...." even when the interesting stories were, in fact, a waste of precious breath and along the lines of, "the stairs are no longer there" or "this tunnel is actually really wide!" He also revealed that he and his caving friends spend new year's eve in the caves every single year.
The Small Childs were extremely amusing as well. They were a complete contradiction of themselves. One minute they were chipping away at the walls, trying to bring the whole damn lot down on our heads, and the next they were asking really intelligent, insightful questions such as, "and what year does this tunnel date back to?" and, "Did he live at the Priory?" Meanwhile, the mother/guardian who was with them proved to be one of those annoying people who had a question every ten seconds that she desperately needed to air. She even asked the same ones several times, only with slighly different wording.
Finally the cave tour came to an end with a bang, literally, as Mr Tour Guide managed to thump his head against a shooting target used by the local rifle club, and we exited the cave. The tour continued through another entrance, but i couldn't take any more so we'll go on the second part next month. We then got something to eat in our favourite Italian resturant before heading home.
Exhausted, I fell straight asleep on Y's chest and dozed for an hour or so. When I woke up we decided to watch Pulp Fiction which had an added Spider in it, as we stopped the tape half way through and Spider was showing on Cbeebies at that moment. Whoever did the animation to that cartoon really did watch a spider's movement well! later on we got some crumpets, just to live up to my diary's name, and watched Crazeee on Ideal World to see the damn dogs :) It didn't take me long to fall asleep that night!
Sunday morning started with a long lay in, and Y collecting the sunday papers. He also tried to track down the video of Scarlet Diva without any luck. By the time we finished looking through the papers (one of which had a gorgeous picture of Sarah Manners that I am snatching for my wall!) it was lunchtime, and then we settled down for an afternoon of football. I still managed to bloody fall asleep during half time though :p We went online quickly afterwards to part with some money. We ordered Scarlet Diva (it's the only way we're ever going to find it!) and also B Monkey (we will have an Asia Argento weekend next time Y is down!) and we also bought a very, very nasty surprise for Kass's birthday..... heh heh heh! I also ordered my filing cabinet, and the damn Argos site asked me for my address 40 different times..... Don't you just love the ease of ordering online? :/
We watched Canine Consumer on Ideal World and laughed our heads off as the dogs had a brawl live on air. Then we quite fancied watching something funny so I hooked out Hunting Venus that I knew I still had on tape and watched the first half of it. Why have they never repeated that? It's also one of only two occassions when I've found Jane Horrocks attractive, by the way. Some supper and a few games of Happy Tweenies later, and Mile High came on. last in the series, unfortunately. What are we going to watch for our Sarah Manners fix now??
This morning we had a long, lazy lay in before we had some hard, passionate and fantastic sex. As soon as I have the energy I'm visiting the local sex shop for some more treats ;) When we recovered a little from that, Y helped me wash my hair and we watched an appaulling Blue's Clues while I dried it. It was so dull! Blue was hardly even in it and Spade had started to talk like Marsha from Spaced! We snuggled up to watch the second half of Hunting Venus afterwards and made some spaghetti before we had one last cuddle. We eventually had to get ready to see Y down to the station, during which time I had a very violent fight with my toy dog, Izzles, over the black hat I wanted to wear. Y decided I have managed to get sillier over the last few years..... :)
Finally the weekend drew to a close and once again I watched him walk away. I always dread that moment more than I can say. And now here I am, back online, back on my feet (more or less) and ready for whatever the week will throw at me :)
I hope everyone had a good weekend - now it's time to catch up on many entries and goodness knows what else! -x-
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