Ladies and gentlemen, please get to your feet and remove all headwear as a gesture of respect for what I am about to tell you:
Running man is ba-a-a-a-a-a-ack!
I had not seen him since the day he finally missed a train, and to be honest I had feared the worst. For all I knew, he could have been dead. He could have decided that he couldn't live with the trauma of knowing that a train had passed him by. But, oh, this morning I was greeted by familiar thumping footsteps, and I had never been so pleased to hear them!
I'd just bought my ticket and was heading for the barriers when they struck. Thump-thump. Thump-Thump. THUMP-THUMP. THUMP-THUMP!!! pant-pant-pant....
Instinctively, I smiled. I knew who that was. I just knew. I glanced around, and sure enough there he was, heading toward me. But Running Man had changed. And, Lo, he'd had what was commonly known as... a Make-Over! I was absolutely stunned. Is that where he's been all this time?! In the hairdresser's? At the stylist's??
I got through the barriers as fast as I could so that I could fully observe the beauty of a perfectly executed near-miss-boarding-train situation. I glanced around to see him blustering through the gate. He is such a regular that he didn't even use his ticket - the station workers open the gate so as not to hinder his five-metre dash.
As he rushed past and over took me, I got to see his new attire in all its glory. Gone were the Noel Edmonds jumper, the shell suit jacket and the cap - and in their place were a dark blue chequered shirt, braces and a shock of frizzy hair that looked like a storm cloud. he'd even dyed his grey bits! But the biggest shock of all came when I saw what he was carrying:
Ladies and Gentlemen, after six years Running Man has finally got.... new shopping bags.
Yes, I know - I was as shocked as you are. Gone are the trio of Sainsburys carriers and in their place are three bags from different stores. This is a major moment in the evolution of man.
But more than that, he had a new tag-line as well. Gone were the "Waaaaaaaiiiit!" and the "Stoooooooop!" Today he favoured a polite, "Excuse me!"
It was just a shame he wasted his words on a train. Several people looked around, thinking he was speaking to them, but he wasn't. He didn't waste his time talking to flesh and bone. It was trains or nothing. But I for one was relieved to see him back. I hate to admit it, but I kind of missed the poor guy. I even started looking out for him recently in case he'd beaten me to the platform.
Welcome back, Running Man!
In other news, copies of my bizarre book shall be distributed by tomorrow night via email if you have asked for one (and, of you're really unlucky, even if you haven't.... Mwahahaha!) - for now, the crisps are calling. Take care, everyone :)
..