Y and I have created a new sport.
Orchestra Fights!
It all started yesterday when I sent Y the obligatory Mean Links in his email before I went on my Day Out and I sent a random one of an orchestra. He commented, "This orchestra looks very suspicious. I think the brass section may be plotting to beat up the woodwind section...."
I thought he might be onto something there so I made the point of discussing it further on the phone last night. I agreed with him on his suspicions and we began to discuss the idea further. Who's to say that it would only be the brass section who are about to turn violent? In fact, who's to say that orchestras everywhere aren't going to follow suit and start attacking each other as soon as the conductor lifts his baton?
Y is sure that the brass section have an advantage over the others because of the nature of their instruments, but I'm not sure I agree. You see, the strings section are very sneaky, and the woodwind section also have a few tricks up their sleeve, as you'd know if you'd ever been hit on the head by a bassoon (which I have, incidentally, and it's not an experience I wish to repeat.) We agreed, however, that percussion stand no chance whatsoever.
Y queried as to how come, if this sport was so popular, it was not being shown at the moment, to which I told him - of course - that it simply wasn't Orchestra Fight Season! He really should have realised that himself. He took me to task over this, saying that it was an indoor sport so it shouldn't be subject to seasons, but I pointed out that snooker is also an indoor sport and you only see that around at certain times of the year. He claims he's still unsure about this, but we'll soon see about that. I think orchestra fights could catch on!
I can just picture it: a large orchestra all sitting demurely with instruments in their grasp, all silent and still, until the conductor steps up, raises his stick in the air and all of a sudden the brass section all get to their feet and start clobbering the woodwind section whilst the percussion attempt to fend off those sneaky strings, whilst all you can hear is *HONK!* 'Toot!' **BANG!** 'Brrrrrp!' #Twang!# 'Crash!!', and finally a silence descends as the entire orchestra lay on the ground, with tubas jammed over heads and flutes sticking out from where the sun don't shine.
Yeah, I can see a future for this.
watch out, Eurosport - Orchestra Fighting is coming your way!
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