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Stuck In The Middle (of a points failure) With You

Record released on 2003-07-09 at 7:10 p.m.

Mmmm, those were the best toasted cheese sandwiches I've ever had, damnit! No, you can't have any. They have all gone now. And if you want some then next time get your orders in quickly.

Today, I spent an hour stuck on a stationary train when my journey home should only be five minutes (and that's on a slow day!) being attacked verbally by pensioners who wanted to use my mobile phone. I can tell you, it wasn't pretty. Hilarious, yes, but pretty - no!

It all started when I was sitting on the station, waiting for my train. I could see that the trains on the other side of the platform were being delayed - by over an hour and a quarter - but I thought it may have been a mistake on the display. After all, it's a tiny station. There are hardly any trains that pass through. My own train arrived a couple of minutes early so I climbed on board and made myself comfortable. I was feeling exhausted, unwell and in a lot of pain so all I wanted was to get home. Imagine my horror when a voice on the tannoy announced....

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you, err.... may have gathered, there appears to be a problem at the next stop. We will.... try to find out more of you as soon as possible. In the meanwhile, we'd like to thank you for your patience."

Ahh.

Thanks.

This gave us no idea whatsoever to expect. There was a mutter of disapproval throughout the carriage as it became clear we couldn't be going anywhere for a long while. I began to worry that Running Man may have not been able to take the strain of his ordeal the previous day and had gone on sit-down strike on the tracks, or worse. Eventually, when ten minutes later we had still not gone, I called my mum in the hope she might shed some light onto events.

"I'm standing at the station in a train," I explained, "have you heard of any problems locally?"

"Problems?"

"Yeah.... train accidents, derailments?" - after all, we seem to have had our fair share of those lately!

"No," said my mum, "but your grandmother saw the house across the road being burgled today."

Informative, but not really what I needed to know.

As I was explaining the situation, the voice came on the tannoy again.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said in the kind of voice announcing a royal death, "we have discovered that there has been a case of total points failure at the next station. This is causing a massive backlog of trains. We hear they have just started to move again but we have to wait our turn. We have no further information to give you at this time."

Oh great.

So I decided to wait it out. I considered getting a taxi or a bus but I was so tired and feeling so rotten I couldn't stand the thought of walking all the way back in the other direction. So I sat and waited. Everyone started to get twitchy. everyone. We were on the line to Gatwick - only 2 stops away, and most of the people on board had chunky, heavy luggage, about to head on holiday.

That was when the first pensioner approached me.

"Excuse me, dear," she said, "But could I ask you a favour?"

"Um..... of course," I said, not having a clue what was about to unfold.

"Can I use your mobile?" she asked, "I need to call Sam and Peter, and my son, and make sure they all know I'm alright."

I did not know Sam, or Peter, or her son, but I knew I only had meer pence of actual telephone time left on my phone. I hardly ever make calls and as I get so many free texts a month I only ever top up when the texts have run out.

"I'm really sorry," I felt awfully guilty turning her away, "but I don't have enough money on here for that."

The lady gave me a very dirty look. If looks could kill, I'd have been 6 feet under by now. She marched back to her seat - and then her husband came over to try! I don't know what made him think I'd have gained more credit in the last five seconds, but I had to tell him the same thing. Then a third person approached me and asked me if they could borrow my phone to call for a taxi! The damn cheek of it! I should have told them all to call the Carphone Warehouse to get phones of their own!

I began to wish I'd never called my mum. By this time I'd been on the train for over half an hour and we'd gone nowhere. A train pulled in to the platform opposite and the mass of passengers who had gathered climbed aboard. As it left, the announcer came on again.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the train that has just passed us was the 14:14 service to Reading. Perhaps that will give you some indication of the backlog that has built up."

Damnit! I could still have been there for hours!

A commotion began to start up when a very large man (I am talking..... contender for Tallest Man In The World here - I swear he hit his head on the ceiling) asked everyone around him if they were going to Gatwick.

"Because if we can get a bunch of us together we could split a taxi fare between us!" he beamed, thrilled with his idea. The plan went beautifully for all of twenty seconds, until one woman said she didn't have any money for a taxi at all and another pointed out that they all had massive suitcases and would never get them all in the taxi. The man was not detered, though. However many times he stressed the importance of getting to Gatwick, no one else was quite so desperate to squash up in a taxi.

"So.... is this idea still on or what?" he asked one final time.

A lady came bursting through the doors and sat down behind a woman behind me.

"We have a situation!" she said, sounding like an undercover policewoman, "....The toilet is LOCKED and I need a piss!"

I was treated to a ten minute conversation about how much she needed the toilet and what she wouldn't do for her own private bog roll right then, and finally I could take no more. I wandered out of the train as 90% of the carriage had done to look at the board in case it could give me any idea of when the train would leave but it said helpfully "CUSTOMER INFORMATION SYSTEM" and nothing more. Gee, thanks for that. I stood there for a couple of minutes, wondering what to do, and just as I was finally deciding to go and get a bus after all, a man began screaming at the top of his lungs,

"We're about to leave! We're going! Everybody back on the train! Get back on the damn TRAIN!"

Eeek!

I felt like a naughty schoolkid as I got back on board and took my seat, as though being told off for breaking a pencil, and the voice came over load and clear one more time.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to MOVE!"

I noted with amusement a genuine cheer from the passengers as we got going at last. When we pulled into my station, there was utter chaos. there were two trains on every platform, none of which were going anywhere, and there were so many people at the station it took me five minutes just to walk ten yards to the steps. Every now and then a voice would call out;

"Train on platform three's going to Gatwick!" and a mass panic would ensue which ended up with people sprawlled all over the floor and belongings being knocked flying left, right and centre.

It was madness.

Running Man would have loved it :)

In other news, I got my refund from college this morning - and they had written the cheque in the wrong bloody name! As though the course being cancelled wasn't bad enough, now I have to change my name to get the refund! I called them up tonight, hoping to have a bit of a go at them, but lovely Linda who always made me smile when I worked there answered and recognised my name so we ended up having a good old chat for a while which was really nice and made me remember all the wonderful times I had there. Oh - and she's sorted out a reformed cheque ;)

Tomorrow: The Samprases.

Tonight? Tonight.... I rest :)

What's On: Sweetest Smile, by Black

Next: getting some Geri screenshots off of AOL....

Quote of the Moment: "Brought any fruit?" - "NO!" - "Oh well - it's your choice!"

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Fantastic Double CD Includes Tracks:
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1. Latest
2. Archives
3. Links
4. Rings
5. Profile
6. Biography
7. Googles
8. Health
9. Sexuality
10. LiveJournal
11. Dream Diary
12. Private
13. Surveys
14. Rings I Run
15. Tattoos
16. Wishlist
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Karaoke versions available of:

GUESTBOOK - NOTES - TOISEBOOK
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CD 2 Includes the Following Remixes:
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Starting Again? - 2005-06-11
Returning - 2004-08-16
Just Wondering - - 2004-07-30
Birthday - 2004-02-23
A New Year - 2003-12-31



grrr // Jaye
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All lyrics ramblings � Little Miss X, with painkillers on backing vocals, 'toises on drums and Izzles on the musical toilet rolls. And if you would like to know more about the music *I* enjoy, see my playlist. Best viewed in 800x600 and with a pair of eyes and a sense of humour.With thanks to Diaryland.

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Check out great albums by the following artists: ......And many, many more!