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A Better Day

Record released on 2003-07-03 at 2:44 p.m.

I couldn't wake up this morning. My body had gone into shut-down. Yesterday exhausted me, mentally, emotionally, and physically. It wasn't just dealing with the day that had worn me out but everything from the last couple of months, from the very start of all the sorting out I did that raised all kinds of memories and began the chain of events that helped me, eventually, to get through yesterday with more ease than I have in the last few years.

Yesterday night, the numbers changed on my clock just as they had done the night before, and every night of their electrical life. They had no concept of the date they were bringing me into or the significance of it. It was just their job to change. They were numbers. That's what they do. And strangely, as midnight came and went I could feel my whole body becoming less tense and my eyes begging to close. And as I rounded off the day with texts of mutant eyebrows and watching another repeat of Men Behaving Badly, I fell into the deepest sleep I've had in far, far too long.

By morning, I just couldn't wake up. Every time I tried or my mum brought me in a cup of coffee or something I literally couldn't wake. My body needed more sleep. I just gave into it for a long time. When I finally could wake and I opened my eyes, I felt strangely calm. Everything seemed so quiet and still and peaceful. As I got up slowly, a line from another X, a character called X in a kid's show I loved years ago called Halfway Across the Galaxy, came into my head.

"It's going to be a better day."

Yup. It is.

It's strange how the good and bad things balance out. the last few days have been full of extremes. Today I had a piece of unexpected bad news - the jewellery making course that I'd been so desperately looking forward to has been cancelled at short notice. I'm devastated about that - I even had designs in my head about what I was going to make. It had been one of the things keeping me going, that I had something to look forward to after the date had passed. The only other alternative course I wanted to do was the printmaking one but at the moment I think the pressing down of the bloody Albion press is a little beyond me! I haven't yet decided whether to go to work that week or whether to keep the week off and do something else instead.

And of course, as is traditional, the message I sent to the notifylist yesterday didn't go through. Bah humbug. I really am sorry that it's been such a pain. Perhaps is we all close our eyes and say 'I believe in notify lists' three times then it will come back to life!

Y is on his way down now. I can't wait for him to arrive - I've got a *lot* of surprises in store for him over the next couple of days and they are all silly ones :) I probably won't be around until Monday or Tuesday (monday night is the AGM, and we fear that the president of our charity is going to present us with a nude painting of herself, but that's another story....) but when I'm back I have a lot to catch up with. Running Man for one. You may have heard about a train derailment in my area earlier this week..... well, you've never seen anyone with such glee on his face at the prospect of rail troubles as Running Man had!

I may well sneak in here once or twice before then though. Shh ;)

And you have until Monday to vote in the Sampras Poll, and also to submit your Sampras-alikes ;)

Before I go I wanted to say one last, very big, very deep thank you, to everyone who's been so kind to me this week and who's been there while it's been on my mind. To everyone who's been there this week, I dedicate the words to this - one of my favourite songs - to you. I mentioned this song in my 1999 entry from the weekend. Back then, it was simply an example of what I longed to find if I ever fell in love. But I'm lucky enough to have not just one, but a whole bunch of friends who make me feel this way too xxx

Lovesong by The Cure

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you

I will always love you

Have a good weekend :) xx