Yeah, it's here. You know the drill. I feel exhausted after writing that. I just want to go to bed.
I just wanted to say an enormous thank you to everyone who's left me messages or sent me emails. Thank you for helping to give me strength today. This year.... this year I have done better than I have before. It still got to me and gnawed at me, but compared to last year and all the years before, today I think I did OK.
And I just wanted to thank you all for everything, and for being so kind about my photos :) I should put up some of the ones of me dressed as Jan Harvey! You wouldn't be so kind then, believe me! And I realised I didn't put any of H and J up. That has to be rectified - they're a mad bunch indeed. But thank you again for being so kind over them. And if I have the energy in the morning, yesterday's photo will be out of date because I'm going blonde and curly again :)
I have been sitting here for half an hour and I still don't know what to write. I have written everything inside me and wrapped it up under lock and key. And now I am left feeling hollow and drawn. Today has left me exhausted, mentally and physically. I feel almost numb. Looking at the clock, it's now almost five years ago to the second that the doorbell rang.
So that means it's five years ago since my life changed forever. It's five years exactly since my life was almost ruined.
It's almost exactly five years ago that I chose to 'become' Miranda.
I wish that I could look upon this date as some sort of a second birthday rather than for the obvioius reasons. I wish that I could focus on that rather than him. Perhaps one day I can. Perhaps I'll get there one day. I have to admit that I don't believe that, but I suppose stranger things have happened.
And once this date is over, the strength I've found of late will be set completely free. I won't have July 2nd hanging over my head for another year. And in the threehundred and sixty-odd days that follow, who knows what I will become. Stronger, I hope. Happier, too.
All those who have touched me today, everyone who's emailed, or left me a note or a message, I wish I could thank you personally tonight but energy will not agree. But I promise tomorrow I will do my very best. For now, please accept my love and my hugs, and my eternal thanks for being in my life.
Take care, everyone. have a peaceful night. You are loved by me, every one of you.
And so are you, my Absent Friend. xxxxx
And my sweetheart, my wonderful Y. Thank you, my gorgeous one xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
..