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X In Giant Survey Shock!

Record released on 2003-04-17 at 7:20 p.m.

I have a bit of an Uma Thurman a-la-Pulp Fiction look going on now.

I can't believe I'm looking in the mirror and seeing black hair staring back at me for the first time in... *thinks* ....eight years? Yup, eight years. My dad has jet black hair and I inherited that, though in my case it was slightly less of the jet and was black and very very very dark brown. I noticed the difference; no one else would. Every year of my school life I had that dark hair. Every day of my school life I was bullied for so many different things, and oddly that was one of them. Why? Other people had dark hair and they never got a ribbing for it. maybe because my skin was so pale in comparisson that I looked as though i'd stepped out of a zombie film.

Some of the things I got teased for I could never escape. I couldn't do anything about my lack of height, my lack of chest, my thinness (that's thinness, not slimness, I mean that horrible type of thin where your arms look like cocktail sticks and your knees are nobbly). It was as though puberty forgot me and I remained a kid. I got asked for ID buying lottery tickets until I was 19.

So perhaps the one thing I could change was my hair. I got my first set of highlights when I was 15. From that moment on, I was never dark again. Shortly afterwards I did my exams and then school was over. By the time I started college, no one bullied anyone else any more and I was free to be myself. And yet I never felt I could go back to that dark hair. It reminded me of the bullying too much and I got awfully depressed whenever colours started to grow out. I went blonde, white, green, red, ginger, purple and of course blue, but never black.

I don't know what's changed now. Maybe because when I look in the mirror I don't recognise any part of that bullied kid any more. I suppose puberty just hit me several years late. Over the last year I've mysteriously grown to average height and I've filled out in the right places. Now looking at the dark hair doesn't bring back any of that. It's going to take a lot of getting used to though. And it's not a complete departure because I have purple stripes in my fringe :)

I wanted to put a picture up but the batteries in my camera died half way through taking one. I'm charging them at the moment but I think they've had it really. I need to buy new ones. Damnit! Other than dying my hair, I've spent the day resting up for tomorrow's tattoo adventure and messing about with things online. I have created a new survey on the subject of crushes, which a great excuse for anyone who wants to to have a bit of a waffle about anyone they've ever had a thing about.

And Y sent me a link today that I think is absolutely brilliant and should be viewed by everyone about the Iraqi Information Minister. The latest news is that he's been rumoured to have committed suicide. I really hope that's not true. The theory is that this was a smokescreen to allow him to escape though. I can picture him making a statement :-

"I am dead! Look, I am not breathing! I am not alive! Do not look for me any more!"

I'm saving the rest of my story of last weekend to tell over easter. Instead, I'm stealing this survey from Richard because I'm a sucker for a batch of questions :)

Where would you live?: England

Nationality: British through and through for some reason, as far back through the family tree as I can trace.

Gender: Female

Zodiac sign: Pisces

Pets: A parrot

Hair Color: Heh heh, we went through all that :)

Eye Color: Dark brown

Hair Length: just been cut today to ear length, with is long for me.

Dyed?: heh heh, yeah.....

Roomates: No one

Car: No, I don't think I'd be safe on the roads ;)

Bed Time: for the last year, 11:45 pm-ish. Before I was ill, 1-2 am.

Do you find yourself attractive?: From time to time

Do you think you are cute?: With my giant earrings, dyed hair and tattoos? Nope!

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: I have a wonderful fiance!

Where do you shop the most?: The chemist - I've spent a fortune on painkillers :/

Do you have any piercings?: Three holes in each ear with an extra one at the top of my right ear.

Do you have any tattoos?: Three

Do you do drugs?: No

Do you drink?: Occassionally, but i don't like alcohol much.

What sport do you play? None

What are you most scared of? Losing the people I love

How many phones in your house?: 4; three are the house line and one is mine.

How many TV's do you have in your house?: 3

What are you listening to right now?: A jumble of 80s music I've downloaded lately

What book(s) are you reading now?:I've not had the time to read anything in ages.

Who are you talking to right now?: no one

What clothes do you sleep in?: usually a nightshirt or nothing.

Who is the last person who called you?: Y :)

If you could have 1 wish what would it be?: To be healthy

If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?: I worry too much. i wish I could change that.

Who do you really hate?: One relative. You know who.

Do you wish on stars?: Not usually, unless I'm in a soppy mood!

If you were making a movie about yourself, who would play you?: I don't have a clue

Do you like your handwriting?: No! My handwriting is awful!

Who do you admire?: Quite apart from my lust for her, I also admire Jaye Griffiths greatly. She's been through a lot in order to get to where she is and I admire her strength.

What is the #1 priority in your life?: Making people I care for happy

Any bad habits?: I always have a trail of used tissues around me because I'm always sneezing

What store would you never be caught dead in?: Antiques shops in Dorking!

If you were another person, would you be friends WITH you?: I have no idea!

Have you ever told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: I don't think so. I am good at keeping secrets.

Do looks matter?: Not really

Do you pray?: No.

Have you ever met anyone famous?: Yes ;) heh heh....

Are you trendy?: Not in the slightest!

What do you do to vent anger?: Dye my hair!

Are you passive or aggressive?: Usually passive

Who is your second family?: Y's family. I adore tham.

Do you trust others easily?: I tend to trust the wrong people and end up hurt.

What was your favorite toy as a child?: My care bear collection. yes, I know that is sad!

What class in school did you think was totally useless?: R.E.

Do you like sappy love songs?: Sometimes, but for the tune rather than the sappiness.

Have you ever intentionally hurt someone?: Never on purpose.

Do you like sarcasm?: Of course :)

Do you feel understood most of the time?: Hardly ever.

Have you thought seriously about committing suicide?: Yes.

Could you be a vegetarian?: No way, I'm afraid.

Would you ever bungee jump?: Oh yes - that's one of my ambitions!

Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?: My shoes don't have laces!

What are you worried about right now?: The trains being cancelled tomorrow

Do you ever wear overalls?: Never!

Do you think you are strong?: Physically? No. Mentally? I might be.

Worst feeling in the world?: betrayal

Best feeling in the world?: being with Y

What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?: usually, "What the hell was that bloody dream about??"

How many rings before you answer the phone?: I hate answering the phone so I usually leave it for someone else to do!

Future children's names?: I used to want to name a girl Catherine Elizabeth, but that name casts up memories of sausage dogs now....

What is most important in life?: Live it for yourself because you can't please all of the people, all of the time.

Do you like to drive fast?: i've never driven

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: No

What type was your first car?: Argh....

If you could meet one person dead or alive?: I have never been able to answer that.

Do you eat the stems of broccoli?: Nope!

If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?: I'm doing it - being a tattoo designer!

Would you dye your hair any color?: Heh heh....

What's under your bed?: Argh, don;t EVER look under there, you've no idea what might be there!

Get along with parents?: On a fun level yes, but not really on a deep, parental level. I don't know why. It's like my mum is more a friend than a guardian.

Who have you been friends with the longest?: My two best friends in the world, my neighbours, J & H

What are you thinking right now?: How hot it is today

What is your good luck charm?: I don't have one.

The nicest things someone has done for you?: Sent me mean things to cheer me up when I'm ill. that applies to lots of you ;)

Best thing that happened to you today: My hair turned out well!

Favorites:

Color: Blue

Candy: Don't like any!

TV show: Tweenies and Blue's Clues....

Food(s): Pasta and chinese food, cheese and crisps. And crumpets!

Fast food restaurant: Burger King

Song at the moment: Today I've had Something For The Weekend by The Divine Comedy in my head all day!

Place: The tattooist's

Holiday: Any time I'm at Y's

Thing to do on a weekend: See above ;)

Number: 13

Radio Station: Classic Gold Digital

Animal: Cat

Store: No idea

Scent: I don't have one

Ice Cream Flavor: I only like soft, whippy ice cream :)

Teacher: Miss Goldsmith. Oh, I liked her....

Game: Upwords

Saying: "Wah!"

Soda: Pepsi

Actor: Don't have one

Actress: I can't pick one!

Month: May

Book: Archer's Goon my Diana Wynne Jones

Restaurant: The chinese near me

Type of music: early 80s

Music Video: Prefab Sprout - King Of Rock & Roll

Website: shoppingtelly.com

Album: Breaking Glass by Hazel O Connor

Sport to watch: Football

Juice: Orange, without bits in!

Place to go when you have nowhere else to go: The library.

Season: spring

Possesion: My photo albums

Breakfast food: I don't eat breakfast

Place to go with friends: Brighton

Have you ever:

Smoked?: No

Drank?: Yes

Gotten drunk?: No - I once tried but I can't get drunk however much I drink :/

Broke the law?: no

Stole something?: No. I'm such a goodie two shoes....

Tried to kill yourself?: No but I came terrifyingly close.

Made yourself throw up?: No

Been in love?: Yes :)

Gone skinny dipping?: Not yet, but I will

Fallen asleep in the shower/bath?: Yes!

Ate ice cream with a fork?: No

Played pin the tail on the donkey?: I used to make alternatives like 'Pin The Tin Of Spaghetti Hoops On Agent Scully'. Don' ask why!

Played spin the bottle?: No

Moved and had to leave behind all of your friends?: No

Asked out the guy your friend liked?: no

Sent your pic to someone online you didn't know?: Yes

Been on radio or television?: I was almost on a radio competition once but the person before me got the answer right :(

Said, "I love you" and meant it?: Yes

Made prank calls?: Oh yes

Skipped school?: No

Loved somebody so much it made you cry?: Yes

Met the president?: No!

Been scared to get a shot?: No, but there have been CERTAIN INJECTIONS I have regretted.... *cough*Depo*Cough*....

Gotten a cavity?: No

Shopped at Abercrombie & Fitch?: No

Broken a bone?: Not yet!

Been on a plane?: Yes

Cried in public?: Yes

Climbed a tree?: Yes

Fell asleep in a movie theater?: no

Ran away?: No

Pictured your crush naked?: Yes....

Actually seen your crush naked?: Oh yeah ;)

Broken someone's heart: Hmm. I don't know.

Cried when someone died?: Yes

Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have?: Yes

Lied?: Mainly over my sexuality :/

Cried at school?: Yes

Sat by the phone waiting for a call all night?: no

Had AOL conversations?: Yes

Saved an e-mail: Yes

Wished you were someone else?: Yes

Wished you were a member of the opposite sex?: No, but I feel like part of me is a straight man rather than a gay woman.

Wanted to look differently?: Oh yeah.

Cried because of someone's words? Yes

Do You Believe In?

Angels?: After what happened last December, I've been wondering.

Aliens?: Do you need to ask me that??

Ghosts?: Yes, after what happened at college we all did.

Heaven & Hell?: Not at all.

God?: No

Love at first sight?: Yes

Kissed on the first date?: That's kind of hard to answer. Y and I kissed within 5 minutes of meeting in person, but we'd been in love for ages before that.

Monsters?: What, like my womb?? :)

Horoscopes?: No, but I like having a laugh over how wrong they are!

Cheating?: No

What or Who or When was the last...?

Noise you heard?: My glass going 'ting' against the screen as I type

Song you heard?: The Promise You Made by Cock Robin

Movie you saw?: Can;t remember

Email you read?: My email from Y :)

Person you talked to?: My mum

Time you cried?: when I felt very ill a few nights ago

Time you laughed?: Most of today!

Time you were in love?: Now :)

Well, there you go! That was fun! Now I'm off for cheese and to refill my glass to stop it going 'ting'. It is annoying me. Wish me luck for the tattoo tomorrow! There will be pictures :) xx

What's On: Ideal World's 3rd birthday

Next: Supper time!

Quote of the Moment:

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Fantastic Double CD Includes Tracks:
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1. Latest
2. Archives
3. Links
4. Rings
5. Profile
6. Biography
7. Googles
8. Health
9. Sexuality
10. LiveJournal
11. Dream Diary
12. Private
13. Surveys
14. Rings I Run
15. Tattoos
16. Wishlist
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Karaoke versions available of:

GUESTBOOK - NOTES - TOISEBOOK
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CD 2 Includes the Following Remixes:
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Starting Again? - 2005-06-11
Returning - 2004-08-16
Just Wondering - - 2004-07-30
Birthday - 2004-02-23
A New Year - 2003-12-31



grrr // Jaye
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All lyrics ramblings � Little Miss X, with painkillers on backing vocals, 'toises on drums and Izzles on the musical toilet rolls. And if you would like to know more about the music *I* enjoy, see my playlist. Best viewed in 800x600 and with a pair of eyes and a sense of humour.With thanks to Diaryland.

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Check out great albums by the following artists: ......And many, many more!