Welcome to he new diary; a veritable collection of tabloid-esque qualities! You see, sometimes bits of my life feel a bit like something you'd find in the tabloids. My bedroom resembles a slightly more modest version of page 3 in the Sun, half the things that happen to me could be those 'let's stick in a humourous story to fill up a column' pieces in papers and I constantly encounter the bizarre. Yup, sounds like everything you need for a tabloid to me!
While most entries will just be normal day-to-day tales of whatever goes on, I will also sometimes present an entry in the style of a tabloid shock story - and let's start as we mean to go on....
Diarist In Crumpets Shock!
A young UK online diarist has named her new diary after the food to which she has become most recently addicted. Miranda, 22, claims, "Hot Crumpets serves two purposes - it can recommend a hot, tasty snack or it can suggest the contents of page three!"
During the hours she worked upon her new layout, the diarist -
FOUND pictures of attractive female celebrities to adorn the pages
SWORE at the computer as it crashed and lost half her changes
SLAVED over the dreaded HTML for several hours, and
WEPT as Diaryland went down whilst she was on the verge of giving a sneak preview to some people last night.
It is not yet known whether or not any tortoises were involved in this diary.
It is thought that over the next few weeks the diary will become full of the evil nonsense, pain-killer fuelled stupidity, and all round insanity that is expected of it. The diarist was unavailable for comment this morning, prefering instead to run around the room with her pants on her head, screaming, "I've finished! I've finished at last! Damn you, frontpage!"
The men in white coats are thought to be arriving shortly.
..